Someone has to say goodbye.
We all have reasons for leaving and moving on. I respect that. Half of me is willing to let go while the another half is clinging to expectations. I wish it would be easier for me to deal with it though I know that I'd be dwelling on my memories, a series of what-ifs and a medley of hopeful thoughts.
It seems simple but I still cannot comprehend my emotion. Others take things in a positive way but I wonder why I cannot find happiness in another turning point like this. I wonder why I'm pulling someone from leaving to discover other things. I don't think I'm being selfish. That's not my motive. It's all about missing someone, feeling and experiencing lonesome days without a "seatmate."
It sucks to think about it as I look at the empty chair beside me. No more chit-chat about our lola, no more email chat about anything under the sun, no more exchange of drawing and simple notes of hi's and hello's... These and more are the things that I'll miss.
She's driven to do what she think is best for herself an I have no intentions of pulling her back just for mere companionship. The best thing that I can do is to support her. Surely I'll miss her as she leaves officially today, though she's been absent for the past few days.
But why am I so sad?!?! (My goodness...) Most likely, I'm afraid of losing the opportunity of having her everyday and spending time with her even though she's too busy to hear my cries or too uncomfortable to understand my blog (LOL). It's tough.
I had unfortunate times before when my friends and I lost communication. Then after a few month, we no longer talked. I'm just scared that it could happen to us and it all depends on the circumstances if we could still get in touch with each other. I just hope she's still willing to be my confidant... a distant confidant -- untouchable. ¿?
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