How I Hate Goodbyes

It's now official. Mitchiku's out. She just came to office to surrender her ELID, temporary ID and ATM. She dropped by to our area to say hi and empty her pedestal. Just a few minutes ago, I saw her leave. In fact, I couldn't look closely to her as she trashed her rubbish notes and bag her Starbucks mug.

Last week, I thought of making a short but touching video of her stay here at ePacific, highlighting our fun-filled memories of course! That was my plan for the four-day vacation.

Yesterday afternoon, I thought I won't be able to finish everything. I couldn't concentrate. My mom and my sister were watching "Little Manhattan." So I had to stop and watch the movie first. 'Twas cool and fun to see kids (at 10 and 11) learning what love is all about. Though 'twas odd that at 21, I still have no clue how it is to be loved by someone (other than my family).

I slept when the closing credits scrolled up. After dinner, I was on the verge of saying to myself, "Ok na. Kahit 'wag na. Tutulog na lang ako." But I still turned on the laptop, sorted the pictures needed and downloaded Christian Bautista's "Nais Ko".

At 2am, I was through with it. I tried playing it in the DVD player we have in our room but it didn't work. The player exclusively plays pirated DVD's! LOL. While editing the whole video, there was a part of me saying, "Good luck" while there was a part of me saying, "Why did you chose to leave?" I sorta wet my eyes a bit but I chose not to be affected by the whole present.

Surprisingly, I didn't had a hard time waking up. At around 5:15am I was up already. Then at around 6:10am, I was on my way to Oritgas.

I ate breakfast at Joliibe alone as I was playing different love-sucks-big-time themed kind of songs like, "Be Without You" by MJ Blige, "Somebody to Love" by AI5's Elliott Yamin, "Unbelievable" by Craig David, "Penny and Me" by Hanson and "Afterglow" by INXS.

Now I'm back here, doing the same old stuff and dealing with the same old itchy feeling in my crotch. And I'm still missing something. I'm emotionally unfulfilled and unsatisfied by a brief experience of how it is to be appreciated and valued.

Tonight, I expect to by playing Yasmeen's "When Will It Be Me". I ponder, I wonder about it. ¿?