Pulsating My Tenure

I've been contemplating lately on what to do next. I've already accepted that I'm still preoccupied for planning so many things but not accomplishing any. Perhaps I'll remain this way for the months to come, now that I'm facing another turning point in my life.

I chose not to blog (again) 'cos I thought I should sort things out first before I put my reasoning online. I chose not to talk about it 'cos I'm afraid that people close to me may not take me seriously.

Leaving another employer is frustrating. After being retrenched nearly a year ago, now I'm planning to leave my second employer. I'll be "celebrating" me 10th month on the 15th and I'm still a probie. They promised that we (together with an officemate) will be regular employees after our perfomance appraisal on our 6th month in the company. Last November, our superior evaluated us. During those days, I had a number of plans for myself with the company. Now that our regularization's clouded by hesitation and doubt, I might as well plan my career outside the company instead of waiting for nothing but lame promises. I'm starting to hate ePacific management. [Why? I don't even have an company ID! FYI.]

I'm becoming to realise the advantages/benifits of my previous employer. Yes, they retrenched us but if there's one thing I like about the company is its facitilies. I've talked to my Ttech friends and we all agreed that nothing beats Ttech's facilities. Unlike in this company where there is an ecosystem of bedbugs in the carpet and swivel chairs.. [Sighs] I just wanna let go of this. It used to be a precious gem to me. Now, it's like an ordinary stone in the streets that I can throw away anytime I want. I just need certainty and assurance - security.

Starting all over again won't be easy for me. I saw myself dealing with new people when I first entered Orient Square. It wasn't easy as 1-2-3. People are unpredictable no matter how we know the circumstances and no matter how familiar we are with awkward situations. Relating with people for the first time is an uncomforable activity that I really have to deal with all the time. It's a pathetic moment when I'm in a crowd of whoever while I'm wanting to fit into the group. It's natural, I guess. It takes time, for sure! Again it's cliche to quote people but I guess I still have to rely on this one. "All things are difficult before they are easy." Like Ricky told me before, it's a "good mantra!"

Moving forward a vast future is an exciting yet sorta fearful endeavor for me. I've plans that I'm still uncertain if I could do it or if I could be it.

For now, I'll just wait and see. Then I'll come back with a surprise. ¿?